Edward's Nightmare
by redviolette
Summary: Edward finds himself in a living hell, with Bella ignoring him and everything that he wanted for her starts to fall into place... wanted being the key word. This is for all the people who thought Bella let Edward off too easy at the end of New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

It took all my strength to pull away from that kiss. I was flying, in the metaphorical sense of the word. Months away from Bella had turned my control into clay, which she was molding in those tiny hands of hers. I rested my head against her chest, feeling the frantic beat of her heart against my ear. Just a day or so ago, I had honestly believed that I would never hear that soothing sound again. I bit the inside of my lip to prevent the sob from escaping.

"Bella, you are my life." I could feel the bed shaking when she shook her head, the delicate hand that was on the bed clenched tightly into a fist, her knuckles turning white. I rose up so I was leaning on my elbow, looking down at her face. She was staring furiously at the wall.

"Look at me," I pleaded. Even though she was in my arms, she felt miles away. I couldn't bear it.

"Bella… please…" I choked out, overwhelmed by emotion.

I wasn't used to her denying me anything. She had spoiled me, granting my every wish without the slightest bit of annoyance. I wanted desperately for her to look at me, but this is something that she obviously didn't want to or was unable to do.

Her heart was starting to slow, nearing an almost normal pace. I pressed my forehead next to hers, in an attempt to bring her back. I shook with the fear of losing her.

"Edward…" I quickly moved back to look at her eyes. They had a determined glint to them, something I found frightening and rightly so.

"I think you should go," she said, emotionless.

_Agony. _I recognized the tone I used that afternoon in forest. I wasn't going to let her do this.

"Bella…"

"I need to think about what I am going to say to Charlie."

I kissed her forehead softly, hoping that I was wrong about her decision. I wasn't going to let this be the last time I could hold her.

"I can help you there."

"Your presence is too much of a distraction."

Bella's love had always felt like a physical presence to me, warming me and making feel human, wrapping itself around me like a blanket. Right now, I felt cold as if someone had flung the blanket from me.

"Fine, I'll go. I love you." My eyes shut tightly as I kissed her cheek, "I won't be far. If you need me, just call. My number is still the same."

The first thing I would do when I got home was to reactivate my cell phone. I had a ton of spare phones lying around my closet. They weren't great but they'd make do for now. I'd have to go buy a new one whenever things returned to normal… on a second thought; I'll just get Alice to buy me one. I really don't want to have to leave Bella for anything and something tells me that she will not want to do any shopping for fear that I might spend money on her. If it were up to me, she'd me showered in finery.

I climbed out of the window, feeling my heart tighten with despair. I didn't know what to do. Out of all the people who could possess my heart and all the meaning for my existence, it had to be the one whose mind was completely silent to me. Most days I am grateful for the quiet but others, like today, I didn't appreciate it. I both desperately needed to know and feared what was going through that mysterious mind of hers.

I got as far as the driveway before the separation anxiety started to kick in. Being without her for the past 6 months had been torture and now just the thought of being just a couple miles away from her was nearly impossible. I glanced at the all-too-familiar tree on her front yard that provided a too convenient view into her room. I could watch her undetected from there.

I made two steps towards the tree trunk before a quiet yet harsh beeping noise started sounding from my pocket. I had completely forgotten that Alice had given me her phone with strict orders to keep in turned on, because she would be watching to make sure I didn't ruin things worse than they already are.

Flipping it open, there was a text message from Jasper's number.

**EDWARD, DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.**

I rolled my eyes. Alice was quick.

**DO NOT ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME. COME HOME NOW.**

Sighing, I ran home before I could think about it. Minutes later, I was standing in the clearing in front of our home. Their long missed thoughts added to the lump in my throat despite the fact that some weren't exactly pleasant.

_Emoward is home finally. I should kill him for scaring Esme as badly as he did. _Emmett.

_I could kill you for putting the reason of MY existence in danger. You must have known that she would go after you… she loves you and unfortunately so do I. You are really going to have to work hard to make up for this. _Ah… yes… Jasper.

_Edward… please don't leave again for so long. I couldn't bear it. _Sweet, loving Esme.

_You better not leave Bella again… or I will change her so she can hunt you down. _Alice.

I looked for the last mind only to see my face and I focused back into the present. Rosalie was standing in front of me, looking concerned and repentant. I hate to admit it but a large percent of the anger I felt towards her fade away. Rose may be a selfish, conceited brat but she does have a heart and a conscience. She's fierce when it comes to protecting those she loves. I really don't think she ever fully comprehended that Bella is to me what Emmett is to her. The whole Italy fiasco would change her mindset when it comes to Bella and me.

_Edward, please forgive me. You're my brother and I need you._

I could see that if it were possible for her to cry, she would be. Sighing, I walked over and threw my arm over her shoulders and proceeded to the house. Rose put her arm around my waist, in an attempt to comfort me.

_Just so you know, I'll have your neck if you tell ANYONE I said that._

I snorted. Laughing was impossible given the circumstances.

Esme was waiting at the front door for us. She kissed Rosalie on the cheek before stepping on her toes to kiss me. The action just made me ache for Bella more.

"I'm sorry, Mom." Esme was my mother for all intensive purposes. She brought with her through the change, the ability to love passionately… and passionately, she did.

Behind Esme, stood my father. It occurred to me then, that he had been blocking his thoughts the entire time. My leaving had affected him more so than the others. I was his first companion and first child.

Carlisle is and forever will be everything I am not. His compassionate and understanding nature enables him to see the good in everyone… including a monster like me. He is the personification of good.

He gazed quietly at me and I was reminded of another reunion many a decade a go.

_We had lived quietly in a house surrounded by forest. Esme had just been changed and I was happy for Carlisle and his joy. There was only one thing wrong: I had grown bored of his lifestyle and taking care of a newborn._

_Animal blood grew stale for my taste buds and I yearned for something better… something more delicious. One day, I announced to my parents that I was going to go off on my own for an undecided period of time. Carlisle blamed himself for my leaving, believing that he had been neglecting me while worrying about his wife. I assured him that I just wanted to experience another way of life in order to broaden my horizons, so to speak._

_So I left and I was gone a good 10-15 years before something snapped. I had been feeding off of sociopaths and criminals trying to ease my conscience with regards to taking human lives. Even doing that, took a toll on my mental state and I broke down while killing a man who refused to close his eyes. Watching the life drain from his eyes was the last straw. That night I took off homeward bound._

_I ran faster than I had ever run before then. I needed to be comforted and reassured. I missed Esme and I missed Carlisle. I missed the unconditional love that radiated from both of them._

_Two short days later, I found myself covered in mud and standing on the drive. I was home and yet I could not hear any thoughts coming from the house. Despair choked me. Their scents were fresh but perhaps they had only recently grown tired of waiting for me to return._

"_Carlisle! Esme!" I yelled running up the porch and throwing the big oak door out of the way. I searched the empty room of the house in vain, ending up in Carlisle's office._

_There I sat on the antique rug for hours frozen in fear and loneliness. Mud was everywhere, thanks to yours truly. I fell apart, as sob after sob shook me. I was so overcome by my emotions that I didn't hear them calling for me._

"_Edward!"_

"_Carlisle, look, there's a trail of mud."_

_I rose just in time to fling my arms around both of them, chanting, "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry," repeatedly._

_Carlisle hugged me tightly._

"_It's alright. You're home now."_

His voice brought me back to the present. He was angry.

"Never ever do anything that life changing without calling me first. So help me, Edward, I will ground you for the next century if you ever decide to pull something like this again."

I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to laugh or cry.

"I'm sorry, Dad." I bowed my head in shame.

"I'm not finished yet. This stunt you pulled put the lives of 2 of my other children in danger. If either Alice or Isabella were hurt…"

He didn't need to finish that sentence.

"It will never happen again, Carlisle."

"It _fucking_ better not happen again, Edward."

_Holy shit… the man swore. _Emmett.

_You should have heard the blast I got. _Rosalie.

_You are lucky I'm not allowed to step in… _Jasper.

_Sorry for not warning you in advance. _Alice

Esme looked mortified. Her husband never swore. In fact, he reprimanded the rest of us for swearing, saying that we all had a much better vocabulary and that we should use them.

"Do you have any idea what your disappearance did to your mother and me?" His bright caramel colored eyes flashed.

"Carlisle, please…" Esme begged. She hated when we yelled.

With one look down at her face, Carlisle calmed down. He tucked her under his arm and kissed her forehead.

"Go get cleaned up," he ordered, taking in my disheveled appearance. Releasing Esme, he walked out on to the back porch.

_Just go and do what he says, Edward. He's had quite the scare. Esme will handle it. _Alice's thoughts calmed my fears and I sprinted upstairs to the computer room. Logging onto the computer, I quickly reactivated my phone.

I ran into my room, quickly undressed and jumped into a hot shower. I had no idea how I was going to fix my relationship but I prayed that she'd give me the chance and call.

With my phone on the bathroom counter, I stood in the shower until the water had run cold. Grabbing a towel from the shelf, I walked out into my room where I noticed a pile of clothing courtesy of Alice.

I crashed on my couch, phone in hand and waited. Suddenly, there was a soft knocking on my door.

"Edward, can I come in?"

"Wow, Alice? Actually asking for once? How shocking!" I said sarcastically, knowing that I was not going to like what she was going to tell me.

"I thought I'd be polite for once."

"Fine, come in." I sat up and readied myself for the salt that was about to be poured.

Alice walked –no dancing today, for that I was grateful- over to the couch and sat down facing me.

"She isn't going to call you."

Her latest vision washed over me.

_Bella was running around the house, unhooking all the phones and turning off the phone Alice had given her. She removed the key from its hiding spot outside. She made sure the windows were shut tightly, as well as the back door._

Agony. I won't believe it. My Bella wouldn't be this cruel to me.

I stood up, fully intending to run over there but was stopped by a tiny grasp of iron on my wrist.

"It doesn't end well," she said simply.

_I am shaking with sobs in the forest, somewhere near Bella's home. Jasper is there trying to reason with me._

"Fine; tell me, Alice, what am I possibly to do now?" I started pacing in front of the couch, pulling at my hair.

"Wait until she approaches you. Don't try to contact her. She's angry and upset with you and chances are all you will do by contacting her is feed the fire."

"Just great… just fucking great…" I growled.

"Edward!" Carlisle warned from somewhere downstairs.

"Forgive me, Alice." I smiled weakly down at her.

I collapsed back on the couch.

"So I guess this means that I can't give her a ride to school on Monday," I said softly.

Alice hugged me tightly because there was nothing she could do to fix things.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday morning took forever to come. Carlisle had banned me from leaving the house for the first time ever. Emmett was in charge of making sure I didn't leave the house and Jasper was more than happy to assist him.

I put upon myself the task of keeping busy which proved to be rather difficult. It only took me a little more than 6 hours to properly unpack my stuff and help Alice with unpacking all her clothes… which proved to be a tedious task. All I had to do was put stuff on the top shelves that she could not reach. I now understand why Jasper was more than happy to give up the job.

After those measly jobs, I commenced helping Esme in the garden. She was planting a new flower patch along the south wall. We had worked in a comfortable silence, both merely content to be in each other's presence once again.

On a darker note, Carlisle still wasn't very talkative with me. He never initiated any conversations but answered when I asked him a question or for assistance. I missed the easy joking and intellectual conversations we would have. My only hope was that it would pass and we'd be friends again. I hated being a disappointment to him.

There was one hour which I was allowed outside and that was only to hunt with my siblings. They had made sure that I was surrounded by the four of them on all sides. Apparently, it was necessary that I appear somewhat normal to my human classmates.

It was cloudy this morning, thank God. I laughed mentally at all the stares I was getting from the humans as I stood in my usual spot by the front gate, waiting for Bella.

I was used to being the centre of attention. Vampires are typically idolized and fawned over by humans, so I had naturally expected to hear myself in their thoughts. What surprised me the most was the disdain and disgust that was flung at me from the majority of the students and teachers.

_Oh poor Bella, I wonder if she knows he's back yet. I really hope someone told her. _

_I really hope she is smart enough not to fall for Cullen's charms again… look at the good it brought her the last time._

_Now that I know what he's capable of, he's not so good looking now. _

_HOW DARE HE SHOW HIS FACE HERE? Bella just started to be happy again… _Ah yes, Mike Newton. I guess he is still enamored with my sweet girl. I hate him because he is the boy Bella should be with and I am jealous because of that. Stupid, inconsiderate, hormonal teenaged human.

Frowning, I looked down at my phone and from the looks of the digital clock; Bella is going to be late for school. A lump of worry settled in my chest and I wished that Alice were here to reassure me, but she stayed home in order to spend some time with Jasper. He probably isn't going to let her out of his sight for awhile. Not that Alice cares.

Another few minutes pass before I finally breakdown and head towards my Volvo. I had missed the car, having left it at my family's temporary home those torturous months ago. Bella's scent had managed to saturate every crevice of the car.

Just as I was about to start the car, I catch a glimpse of mahogany hair out of the corner of my eye. She was listening to some loud, harsh rock music that I wasn't familiar with.

I couldn't believe it. She had walked to school.

Agony knotted itself around my frozen heart once again.

She hadn't even bothered to call me for a ride.

I shook my head violently, pushing the thoughts aside, and exited the car. I naturally, made a beeline towards her.

"Bella-!" I started but was then interrupted by her. I realized she wasn't looking at me, but over my shoulder.

Removing her ancient headphones, she called out, "Angela, I'm sorry I'm late, the truck decided not to start this morning."

_There she is. I was starting to get worried. Oh poor, Edward, he looks so sad. _I had missed Angela's calming and gentle train of thought but the last thing reminded me that I had to keep my composure. The humans would notice if I started to cry without any tears.

"No worries. Why didn't you ask your dad to give you a ride?" Angela asked, falling into step with Bella. I followed close behind, shaking.

"Charlie left for work early this morning," Bella said calmly.

"Wouldn't Jacob give you a ride? The rez school doesn't start until 8:40ish." An image flashed through Angela's mind of a very familiar looking native boy, who was large for someone his age.

"Nah, I wouldn't ask Jake that. Besides he's been feeling under the weather lately," she said softly. I hissed quietly in pain at the caring note to her voice at the mention of the Quileute boy.

"I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope he gets well soon," Angela patted her arm softly. _Jacob and Bella are practically attached at the hip. She must be so lonely without him around all the time. _"You know, Bella, I only live around the corner from your house, feel free to stop by anytime."

"Thanks, Angie. I might take you up on that sometime."

"Oh and Bella, next time you need a ride, feel free to call me," her friend added smiling warmly.

I picked up my pace and came to Bella's other side. I noticed for a second how her heart rate sped up slightly, but then went back to normal. Could it be possible that my ability to dazzle her with my presence has worn off? It won't do to have me lose it in front of everyone. I shan't think of it any longer.

"Hi, ladies!" I said cheerfully… or as cheerfully as I could possibly manage under the circumstances.

"Oh! Hello, Edward. How was Los Angeles?" Angela asked, trying to keep the conversation light.

"It was alright. I missed Forks though. I am very glad to be back in the wet and cold." I smiled, looking down at Bella. She was staring studiously in front of her.

"I can't imagine why. Anyway, I best be getting to class, the second bell is going to ring shortly. Bella, again, feel free to call if ever you shall need a ride." With a smile to me and a brief hug to Bella, she was off around the corner.

Bella decided then that she should walk ahead of me. I wasn't having any more of that. I reached out and got a firm grip on her elbow. I pulled her gently off to the side.

"Bella."

"Can I help you with anything?" she asked annoyed.

"Why didn't you call me when your truck didn't start?"

Bella's face flushed angrily.

"Edward, you know I have no problem with walking."

I know she has no problem walking, but I have a problem with her walking. She is open to so many dangers. I cringed inwardly.

"You shouldn't have to."

She snorted.

"No, that isn't it. You don't want me to. It's too dangerous!"

"Bella-"

Her brown eyes flashed angrily.

"I'm a big girl, Edward. I can take care of myself… God knows I have for these past 18 years."

"I don't doubt that, Bella."

"Oh cut the crap, Edward. I'm 18 therefore I am legally an adult… something you will NEVER be."

OUCH. Who is this imposter and where is my loving Bella?

She took advantage of my shock to push past me, and hurried down the hall.

I walked slowly to my first period class, which I share with Bella. Slowly, I entered the class room and headed toward the back table. Funny enough, it was the class where everything started. Hopefully I'd be able to fix everything here.

I placed my bag down on the floor and pulled out my pen, ignoring the thoughts and stares of everyone in the room.

Mike was cursing me violently in his thoughts, concerned for Bella's welfare.

It was a few minutes before Bella entered the class. I smiled warmly in her direction indicating that I had saved her a spot. She started to walk slowly down the isle.

My relief was shortly lived. She took the spot beside Mike and pulled her notebook out of her bag.

I did the unbelievable.

I fell off my stool.

I never felt so human in my entire existence.

Everyone in the class laughed. I thanked God that I was a vampire; my blush would never see the light of day.

Bella spun around in her chair to see what the fuss was about. I caught a glimpse of _my_ Bella in her eyes. I brought my fist up to my heart, and stared at her, trying without words to tell her I loved her.

She turned hastily back around and Mr. Banner commenced his lesson.

The morning passed by in a blur of pain. It felt for the life of me like I'd lost her. The world was completely out of order. It was chaos.

I sat down at an empty table and prayed desperately that she'd come to sit with me. I need to fix things and she is obviously making the task difficult for me.

Finally, Bella appeared the through the doors of the cafeteria and I waved her over. She rolled her eyes and linked arms _with_ Jessica Stanley and sat down at the idiot table.

I experienced an odd sense of déjà-vu then. It was almost like it was way back at the beginning but I couldn't help but feel like our roles were switched. She was so cold and distant.

I know I was staring at them, but I really couldn't have cared less. I haven't been able to see her beautiful face in almost 7 months. If she wasn't going to grace her presence upon me, I would have to take whatever I could get, even if it was feasting from afar.

The bell rang and I made a break for Bella, hoping to speak to her before her afternoon class. She was still surrounded by Jessica, Lauren, Angela, Eric, Tyler, Ben and Newton but that didn't effect my decision.

Newton spotted me first.

_What the fuck does Cullen want? Who does he think he is, making Bella's life fall apart all over again?_

"What do want, Cullen?" He asked coldly. Bella looked over from her conversation with Eric to meet my eyes.

"Eric, I'll see you in English. Mike, I can take it from here, thank you." She said kindly.

The group left, with Newton and Angela leaving worried glances in Bella's direction. They didn't want to leave her with me and frankly I couldn't blame them. I had to give Newton some credit; he was genuinely concerned about Bella's emotional state.

"Edward, what is it?" She asked gently.

"Bella, I wanted to apologize for my unforgivable behavior earlier." I said, itching to pull her close and kiss her nose.

"No worries," she smiled, turning to go. I panicked.

"Wait!" I gasped. She turned around, brown eyes filled with concern, but otherwise neutral.

"Yes?"

"Bella, I need to know something."

"What, pray-tell do need to know?" She said, clearly skeptical.

"What are _we_?" I asked nervously. I know that she knows where I stand but I really need to know where she does.

"There is no _we _anymore, Edward. Don't you remember? You are the one who decided to end it." She said softly.

_No… no… no… no…_

"Oh no… Bella…" I choked out.

"Oh yes, Edward. You know what; I'm to actually like the whole being human thing. Isn't it what _you_ wanted? I think I might actually give Mike a chance. Why not? It would be a nice change."

I stared at her. I had a desire so strong to shake her until she admitted that she wanted me and that we were far from over. Restraining myself from doing so proved to be difficult.

"Bella, what I want is to be with you. That hasn't changed."

Her eyes flashed.

"Don't you realize Edward that it is always about what you want? Would it kill you to let me make my own decisions for once? I am doing what you wanted for me before this whole mess started. Can't you be happy with that?" She demanded angrily.

"You are my existence. My whole purpose is to love you and protect you. Please, I beg you, do not take yourself away from me."

"Edward, you did just that to me. So forgive me, if I am more than a little annoyed with you." She turned and stormed out of the cafeteria, towards the English building.

I walked quickly to my next class, which I was undeniably late for. Advanced Calculus was a bore but it provided the necessary material to keep myself busy for the next hour, before I had to make my way over to History. I would have to get my schedule changed to match Bella's in the next couple of days.

After History, I walked out to the gates to wait for Bella. It was a long shot that she'd want to spend some time with me, but I thought I'd take the chance anyway.

Bella walked out of the gates five minutes or so later, looking around the parking lot. I was about to call out when I realized who she was looking for.

_Now where is that girl? I don't understand who people can navigate through this mess. _

She was meeting Esme.

I'm not sure what to make of that but at least she will be safe with my mother.

"Esme!" Bella called out, warmly. Her delicate little hand waving in the air to get Esme's attention.

My mother smiled brilliantly from within the car at the site of her adopted daughter.

"Bella, sweetheart, come and get warm."

"I've had far worse days." Bella said as she climbed into the Mercedes.

Esme waited a moment for Bella to do up her seat belt before joining the line up of cars leaving the lot.

I walked over to my car, hoping that tomorrow Alice would be here to lighten up the car ride home.


End file.
